Manifest Destiny
From sea to shiny sea
The melting pot
Of iron fisted fears
Alarm wakes up
Shower and deodorant heavenly
Coffee wired
450 horsepower traffic jams
Giving it back to the environment
Radio fanatic humor
Radio fanatic politics
Turn left
Turn right
Work
Jockeying meetings
Review by your boss
Review by your peers
Review by your customers
Review the new girl in accounting
Testing your gossip
Review by your bank
No layoff’s today
Don’t drive drunk
Happy hour salty peanuts
Review by your children
Book review
Movie review
Restaurant review
Culture worn on t-shirts
Economic growth 3%, better than average but needs improvement
Traffic news
Weekend weather
Sitcom fast food laundry
Sleep
World News Today or Find A New Enemy
The rest of the world wants to kill you
They have bombs
They have gas
They have germs
They have tuberculosis
They have malnutrition
They have the mob
They have the underground
They have many children
They have Islamic tendencies
They want to steal your money
They hunger for your intellectual property
They want to bribe you
They want you to bribe them
They want to corrupt your freedom
They want to kidnap you
They want to drug you
They are malicious and cruel
They circumcise women
They don’t let them drive cars
They don’t let them wear makeup
They don’t fear your Christian god
They don’t fear the law
They don’t fear you
They are illiterate
They are underemployed
They all want to come here
Overly armed and going nuclear
They are anarchist
They use child labor
They beat their wives
They sodomize boys and rape girls
They elect dictators
They blow things up
They don’t like news reporters
And now for your local news:
New drug cures cancer
Physiology is not destiny gene therapy is
Scientists have discovered a gene that when turned on it is an alarm clock
95 percent religiosity and going for 100
Don’t stop drinking or smoking alone
The stock market bullish bound bear
The longest aging populace a short term voting majority
Elderly pay homage to Indian casinos
Teens are drinking and smoking more
Teens are having more unprotected sex
Out of this world colonies
Gloating chemotherapy
Ripening cesareans
Your kids’ education is the worst that it has ever been
Garbage collectors get paid more than teachers
Your forever abnormal local weather
The Internet is changing your world unlike the phone, the wheel and world war II
The nuclear family invented in America barely a decade after the atomic bomb
Moral breakdown of the social fiber that would shock Genghis Khan, Cleopatra and Henry VIII
America adolescent isolationist ever masturbating with its toys
And the winning lottery numbers are…
Not yours
Computers are getting cheaper faster and smaller
And smarter, they can beat you at chess, at poker, at being difficult
Child abductions prove how caring milk companies are
A dozen new dieting plans make liposuction the last self improvement option
Phone scamming nice seniors
Seniors using their voting majority to scam the rest of us
Doctors recommend that you intern yourself for colon and breast cancer exams
Everything is genetics, you can have every illness ever known to Adam and Eve and beyond
The Christian right wants to reverse reengineer humanity
Homeless people on city streets making it harder for businesses to make a decent living
Not enough cops
Not enough jails
Not enough protection
We are too free
New surveillance cameras allow police to protect you without detecting your privacy
Cross training for sex
Rising low sperm counts
Traffic jams
Love jams
Happy ecstasy
And now back to our regular commercials programming
The wild world of animals, they just don’t know
The exciting world of sports from your couch
Soap opera incest, affairs, and money hoarding, not like you
Cop show rape murder mystery, premiering
Detective show murder mystery, remake
Lawyer show murder, scam, betrayal mystery, sequel
Doctors save lives, have affairs, lose face
Purchasable nanny-toons will entertain your kids tomorrow
Comedy, best out downs put downs
And now for our movie of the week: aliens invade the planet, or your body, or your sister
A special report on illegal aliens and welfare recipients
In the final moral analysis it is good to remind the ever struggling moral right that:
In 98.2% of all books, movies and television programming good always prevails in the end!
And of the 1.8% remainder, when the bad guy wins he turns out to be a misunderstood good guy
The bible stands out because it has nothing but promises and a bad ending; even so, it is still the best seller of all time
“That which God has brought together no man can bring asunder.” Translation:
In the entire history of humanity not a single good marriage has ended in divorce!
Patriots always become victors or martyrs
Traitors are always discovered, jailed or shot to pieces
Success comes to those that never stop trying
The rich know we live in a classless society
The middle class knows we live in a meritocracy
The lower class doesn’t know anything
A strong dollar buys you more vacation fun abroad
Angels are secretly working your life better everyday
Someday you are going to Mars
Go to sleep SuperBowl
RC